Every day we use words to express ourselves to each other, most times we do this rather imperfectly. We stumble over our words, we speak out of fear or frustration and what comes out are not the words of life but words that hurt. Words that cause damage, words that stay in a persons mind and play over and over like an old recording.
The authors tell us and Scripture confirms for us that words are important. Our everyday communication influences the shape, quality and direction of our relationships. They note that we tell people what we think of them every day when we speak, not in the great speeches we give at celebratory dinners, but in the ordinary comments of the day. We tell a person their value to us as we make a quick comment while we dress for work, at the curb in the car with our window rolled down as we are about to drive off, in the kitchen while we make a sandwich, over dessert in a local restaurant or in the den during a commercial.
We forget the impact those thousands of words have on a relationship.
In this chapter we will look at the way we speak and the impact that has on our relationships. We will look at what the Scripture has to say about our speech, and we will turn all of our speaking failures over to the One who can transform our speech into what it is supposed to be, a vessel for bringing grace and life to the hearer.
The first words ever spoken were spoken by God. The authors remind us that speech then, is not a human invention to be used for our own interests, because language is God's creation and given to us by the Creator it MUST exist then, to bring Him glory. In short, words have a high and holy calling.
Have you ever thought of it that way?
Consider this as you witness a teenager mock his friend, a husband criticize his wife at dinner or listen in as two friends share the latest bit of juicy gossip...they are stealing God's glory by treating words as their own creation.
Kinda makes you wanna go grab the duck tape or join one of those silent monk orders doesn't it?See James tells us that we are all at fault when he says in James 3:2, "For we all often stumble and fall in many things. And if anyone does not offend in speech [say wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and curb his entire nature."If you keep reading in James you will see that he goes on to explain that he knows what damage the tongue can do. James is saying that if you have mastered the tongue then you have mastered the entire body, because the tongue is the MOST difficult to to master.
My sister had this magnet she kept on her refrigerator that said "Lord, please forgive me my tongue is in a wet place and it slips easily". That's a little "tongue in cheek" humor at the situation ;)
Our words expose our need for grace and our need for forgiveness. Don't you wish you could take some of those words back as they are flying out of your mouth? I know for me, I have had so many horrible things said TO me that I have tried not to repeat the process, but I am guilty as well. My thoughts though....If you could hear some of the words I THINK about saying....but those thoughts find me guilty before God as well, and we'll see later how even those unspoken thought out words can wreak damage in your relationships.
Have you even heard someone say, "Oops, I didn't mean to say that" or "Did I say that our loud?" It is not an accident. Christ tells us out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45) If the thoughts were not dwelt upon then they would not have escaped the lips. The reason the things I think about saying do not escape my lips (often) is because I hear it in my head and I think of James saying that sin starts as a tiny embryonic cell that grows and grows and then becomes a life and I think about that awful thing coming out of my mouth and damaging my loved ones forever (like I have been damaged by some of the words spoken to me) and I quash it before it makes it past the door of my lips. Although there was that one time I proudly told my husband I had asked God to set a guard at my mouth and he looked at me mouth agape and asked, "What did you do? Beat him up?" So obviously, I don't always control those thoughts before they become words or actions...
The authors say that the real problem with our communication is WHAT we want to say and WHY we want to say it which has NOTHING to do with our communication skills. Christ reveals that the WHAT and the WHY are shaped by our hearts, so if we are to have any hope of communicating effectively, and transforming that speech into speech that will glorify the Creator our hearts MUST change.
II Corinthians 5:20 tells us that we are Christs ambassadors.
The authors point out that as ambassadors our only job is to represent a king who is not present. When my children lived at home, I reminded them that everything they did reflected back to our family, our church family and ultimately the God they claimed to know. Wherever they go, and whatever they do they will always be a member of THIS family, they will join other churches, so they will be an extension of THAT family and universally they represent the body of Christ. So as we helped people with their groceries and we picked up trash in the parking lot we had a bigger picture in mind. That's what the authors are asking us to think about with our speech.
God is seeking to DO something in and through us, so when we act as His ambassadors we must be driven by what HE is seeking to accomplish, both in US and in the people we come into contact with. Paul states it clearly in II Corinthians with one word, "Reconciliation". That we would no longer live for ourselves, but for Him who died for us and was raised again." In every situation, in every relationship, in every conversation, in every trial, in all of it God is working to reclaim our hearts that are constantly seeking to please our selves, to make us a people who are MORE interested in what HE wants for us than what we want for ourselves.
Have you ever:
*flattered a friend because you wanted her to like you?
*trimmed the truth to avoid conflict?
*yelled at a child for a messy room?
*only cared about winning the argument
*gossiped
*pointed out a wrong rather than ask forgiveness
*used words to hurt someone rather than help
The authors say our words are always, ALWAYS in pursuit of some kind of kingdom. We are either speaking as a mini-king, seeking to establish our own will in our relationships and circumstances or we are speaking as an ambassador seeking to be a part of what the King is doing.
OUCH
I don't know about you but I had never thought of it this way.
So then you beat yourself up and think you aren't holy enough or maybe your personality is too much (those of you who know me personally will know what I am talking about) but there IS a balance to be had, as in all things. The authors ask that question, "What does it mean to communicate like an ambassador?" Are you only supposed to quote scripture? Point out the sins of others? Are you never allowed to talk about sports or the weather?
Ephesians 4:29-30 is a good guide to use. "Don't let any foul or polluting or evil or unwholesome or worthless talk ever come out of your mouth, instead what is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others."
I LOVE what the authors said, "It's not about biblical WORDS it's about a biblical AGENDA."
If you want your speech to reflect a biblical agenda consider these three things:
CONSIDER THE PERSON
Communication that is OTHERS centered will find words shaped around the other person and their interests, and seek to help the other person. God's entire purpose is remaking US into His image so when we communicate with others our speech with them should build them up, never tear them down. Think about WHAT you say and HOW you say it. All of your speech now has a focus, to only do good to this person. The words of an ambassador are always others-centered.
CONSIDER THE PROBLEM
Before you speak you have to LISTEN. Sometimes we get so caught up in diagnosing the problem that we forget to actually consider the very real person who is struggling with a heavy burden. What does your friend, family member, co-worker need most from you right now? Sure you could quote fifteen applicable bible verses AT them, but consider their need. Compassion? Encouragement? Hope? Direction? Wisdom? Direction? Comfort? Courage? Rebuke? Forgiveness? Patience? Teaching? Warning? Thanks? Insight? Correction? or is it something else? An ambassador's words always address the person's true need of the moment.
CONSIDER THE PROCESS
Speaking the truth in love is different than just speaking the truth. If we speak the right words but we speak them harshly or at the wrong time then they don't produce the desired effect. The authors use the example of confronting a teen five minutes before she is to leave for school (or a husband before he is to leave for work) either will not hear the words you speak even if the content is accurate and your tone is perfect, because your timing stinks.Rebuking someone, ANYONE in front of another person or in front of a group of people, also, not a good idea. I love how the authors put it, "We must remember our relationships have been designed as workrooms for redemption not shelters for human happiness."
Finally, for me. I am never without hope, no matter how badly I think I have messed up, I know I have a Savior who has planned for all of my messiness. He takes all of my failed attempts and somehow creates beauty from the ashes. xoxo
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