Richard Alan Withers

October is breast cancer awareness month.

It is also the month that we would have celebrated Richard Alan Withers fifty-second birthday. 

He passed away in March 2012 from male breast cancer. 

Richard was a dear friend of mine. I met him when I was just twelve years old. He worked next to my father’s bakery in a little store called Morgan’s (which was similar to a TG&Y, kind of like a Wal-Mart, minus the super). He would pop over all the time to the bakery and flirt with me but I was soooo not interested.

Fast forward to when I was sixteen and my dad sent us to Disney World where Richard was working; suddenly he wasn’t so bad. He flirted as he always did, with EVERYONE, and this time I responded, and we had a brief summer romance. One of the few ‘boys’ I remained friends with after the fling ended.

Richard wasn’t just a boy though, he was true a gem.

I remember in 1984 he called me at the house super excited about his new job with this company called Domino’s. I shot back, “You’re working for the sugar company?” He calmly explained that No, it wasn’t the sugar company it was in fact a pizza company and it was THE next BIG thing. Well, that “thing” became Domino’s Pizza, the company that currently employs my husband, where I worked for a time and where I met my husband, so it has been a pretty significant part of my life. We lost touch though, Richard and me, as old friends often do when in pursuit of their lives, and we went our separate ways. With the advent of Facebook though, we reconnected, we exchanged phone numbers and chatted from time to time, catching up on each other’s children and marriages, and lives.

Then I got THE phone call.

One day Richard called and said, “Hey, you got a minute?” I always had a minute for Richard, I said, “Sure what’s up?” He proceeded to tell me the breast cancer that he had battled five years before that we though he had beaten had returned, and he started to name the places it was, he stopped and said, “Does it matter? It’s everywhere.”

I was stunned into silence for a moment.

I told him I loved him, I would pray for him of course, I believed God could heal him, he believed it too, but I think he knew he would die from it this time. Before we hung up he started to cry and said, “This may be the last time I hear your voice.” I said “bullshit”. He explained he was going into the hospital and he didn’t know what would happen after that. I said he was being silly, he could call me any time, and we had texting and Facebook. My words sounded hollow to both of us I think.

When we hung up though I made immediate plans to go to Dallas and visit him. I had not lay eyes on him face to face since that summer when I was sixteen, but I knew I had to see him. I asked my husband if it would be ok, and he agreed I must go and see him (Andy actually worked with Richard, small world, right?) So, off I went to visit my old, dear friend, with Tina and Brady in tow.

I texted him often during that long drive, asking him how he was feeling, if he had a lot of visitors, right up till I knocked on his hospital room door. The last text I sent before I knocked was “You must be exhausted” and he replied, “Not too, I’ve got visitor’s here now”. I will never forget the look on his face when I walked in. He said “Oh hey” I said, “Hey you” then he FREAKED OUT and said OMG HEY!!!! It was a night to remember. He laughed and said, “Well, now I know I’m dying if Gail drove all this way to see me.” 

October is already one of my favorite months because I love fall, but it’s been elevated to a new level of favorite as I think about breast cancer awareness, (please go get checked if you are male or female) and my friend Richard’s birthday (which is today) One of my favorite memories during his illness was when he would call just to pray together. He would call and say, “Hey can we pray?” I would sit here on this end, tears streaming down my face thankful for the time I had face to face with him, but more thankful that HE knew our God and knew where to draw his strength from.

He left me a voice message and asked me to save it, in it he said he wanted me to remember how much he loved me, how thankful he was for our friendship and that this life is so short, he reminded me not to sweat the small stuff, to enjoy every moment, and he promised to be waiting on that golden shore when it’s my turn to cross over. I’ll keep that in mind Richard…and I’ll be looking for you when I cross the river Jordan…can’t wait to join you and the others around the throne…until then..

XOXO