Session Six: Impatience and Irritability

Session Six

Those of you that have the book and are following along did you dare to ask your family members if you are irritable or impatient? Jerry defined them below:

 Impatience: “A strong sense of annoyance at the (usually) unintentional faults and failures of others…often expressed verbally in a way that tends to humiliate the person or persons who is the object of impatience.”

Irritability: “The frequency of impatience, or the ease with which a person can become impatient over the slightest provocation…one who is impatient most of the time…one in whose presence you feel you must walk on egg shells.”

Ouch

I did not want to ask anyone in my family that question, because as Jerry also pointed out we are most apt to display this particular sin to those we love, or in the context of our own family. It’s so damaging though, isn’t it? The results are in though, for me at least. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t terrible though either, and even before the words left my lips and I watched my husband’s face expectantly, I knew what the answer would be. 

It is when I am not feeling well, that I am impatient and irritable. And not feeling well is no excuse for sin. But don’t we feel like it is? Don’t we feel like that headache, or that flu/fever/cold/gastro thing…whatever ails us gives us a pass to act crazy, if even for a moment? Can’t people see we’re suffering? Shouldn’t they be catering to US for Pete’s sake??? Find me a verse and I’ll support that theory, but all I see is my Savior hanging on the cross in total agony beseeching the Father to forgive them, because they knew not what they had done…so, no, I don’t think our miniscule ailments grant us a license to sin. Focus…

*takes a deep breath*

But we don’t always live like this do we? And we DO focus, just on ourselves and we use the excuse that we are not Jesus to soothe our wayward hearts. The Scriptures tell us that His divine power has bestowed upon us ALL things that are requisite for and suited for life and godliness  through the full personal knowledge of Him Who called us (II Peter 1:3) So we have no excuse, we CAN do this.

 So if you haven’t asked your spouse or your kids that question, ASK, or ask your best girlfriend…am I impatient? am I irritable? It’s the only way you or I will grow.

These last few years the Lord has had me focus on love. Because as Paul said if I speak with the tongues of angels and have not love, I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. Elisabeth Elliott (if you do not know who she is I urge you to read up on her) after a fight with her beloved Jim, said she had retreated to the Scripture and was reading though I Corinthians 13 and replaced the words "Love is" with "Elisabeth is" and by the time she got to the end she was so convicted she forgot the argument and begged forgiveness. 

Holding hands with love is patience.

We are told throughout the Scriptures to put ON patience and to put OFF impatience. This put off and puton chart   is not exhaustive but it is a good list of put ons and put offs and their corresponding scriptures. There is also an ap for you smart phone users called “wise words for moms” to help us put off those sins that so easily entangle us (sorry for the rabbit trail) because our sinning becomes a habit, a kneejerk reaction so that we begin to respond in sin without even thinking about it.

Jerry also addresses the “stuffer” of us in this chapter.

This would be the person who is criticized and berated by a person who practices the sin of impatience but does not confront the impatient person in their sin. Instead they quietly suffer, they may even delude themselves into thinking they are “suffering like Christ by not answering back a word” but all the while their hearts are becoming more and more bitter as they seethe with anger at the way they are being treated. We are called, where we cannot cover an offence with love, to confront WITH love the brother or sister who has sinned against us. 

The online dictionary defines anger as:

“A strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire”

I love how Jerry gets all bare bones about the matter. We get angry because we are prideful. We think we deserve better. We are concerned with someone else’s sinful actions TOWARD us rather than the fact that they are violating God’s law. We are concerned about our reputation, we want things to go our “way” and so on. It all boils down to pride, an over inflated view of our own self-worth.

Most Christians would agree that you should never, ever be angry with God, but I think Jerry said it well when he stated, “I acknowledge that believers can and do have momentary flashes of anger at God. I have experienced it myself (thank you for your honesty Jerry) BUT we should quickly recognize those occurrences as the sins that they are and repent of them.”

I wrote about anger with God here.

Because we have been given everything we need to live the Christian life, by Him Who called us out of darkness, we can CHOOSE how we will respond in each circumstance. 

Remember I Corinthians 10:13 tells us that no temptation has seized us except what is common to man and when we are tempted God will provide us with a way of escape, to a (remember what the amplified called it?) a landing place. There is always a moment just before you commit to an action where (for me at least) where it seems like things slow up a bit and you can see clearly the choices before you. The problem is sometimes the sin is raging so within you that you just ignore the Spirit and plunge on headlong into what you know you will regret later. That’s why Hebrews describes sin as “deftly, cleverly, clinging to and entangling” believers.

It doesn’t have to control us, none of our sins do. As Jerry zeroed in on the principle Peter was teaching in I Peter 2 (18-20)  This is a gracious thing, when MINDFUL of God, one endures…we should be mindful of God in every situation we find ourselves in. In I Corinthians 9 Paul says we must exercise discipline, not unlike a worldly athlete who trains to receive a wreath that will wither, but for us the stakes are much higher. Ours is an eternal crown. So Paul urges us to train ourselves to discipline our flesh, to subdue it with hardships. Jerry gave us some questions to help reign in that old flesh, and reminded us that in the heat of the moment we won’t remember these questions, but with training, these questions will become habit, second nature for us, so that we won’t even flinch when a trial comes upon us we will naturally respond with THIS:

*How would God have me respond?

*How can I glorify Him with my response?

*Do I believe this situation is outside of His sovereign control?

*Can He use this circumstance to make me more like His Son?

Let’s get to our questions:

I.           Impatience and Irritability

1.    Jerry defines impatience as “a strong sense of annoyance at the (usually) unintentional faults and failures of others.” In what ways do you tend to express impatience? How do these expressions affect those people who are objects of your impatience?

As Jerry stated, “We tend to exhibit many of these sins most freely in the context of our own families.” As I questioned my family though, I was told that I a most impatient when I am not feeling well, which led to irritability. My impatience leads those I love to scramble around trying to figure out what it is that will make me happy. My not feeling well weakens me and suddenly all the things I’ve overlooked come into sharp focus and I point out everything that was left undone, every promise broken, and nothing makes me happy.

2.   Situations do not cause us to be inpatient, “They merely provide” the author writes, “an opportunity for the flesh to assert itself/ the actual cause of our impatience lies within our own hearts, in our own attitude of insisting that others conform to our expectations.” Is Jerry’s statement a new distinctive for you? Why is it important for us to understand this perspective?

This is not new, Jesus said in Matthew 15: 11 “It is not what goes into the mouth of a man that makes him unclean and defiled, but what comes out of his mouth; this makes him unclean and defiles him”  and in verse 19 and 20 (a) He finished that thought with this: “For out of the heart come evil thoughts (reasoning’s and disputing’s and designs) such as murder, adultery, sexual vice, theft, false witnessing, slander and irreverent speech. These are what make a man unclean and defile him…”  A friend of mine called the trials of life “providential pressures” they squeeze us and like a sponge the sin oozes out. I like to say it pops out kind of like a zit. It’s nastier. Cause its nasty business getting rid of sin. We should have no expectations, my sister always uses this little equation to remind herself (and me) that: expectations-reality=disappointment

3.   Speaking through Paul in the Scriptures below how does God want us to act when we’re tempted to be impatient?

I Corinthians 13:1 “If I can speak with the tongues of men and [even] of angels, but have not love (that reasoning, intentional, spiritual, devotion such as inspired by God’s love for and in us ), I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

I Corinthians 13:4 “Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious or boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.”

Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit, [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy, (gladness) peace, patience, (an even temper, forbearance) kindness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility) self-control (self-restraint, continence) against such things there is no law that can bring a charge.”

Ephesians 4:1-2 “I, therefore a prisoner of the Lord, appeal to, beg you to walk (lead a life) worthy of the (divine) calling to which you have been called [with behavior that is a credit to the summons to God’s service, living as becomes you] with complete lowliness of mind (humility) and meekness (unselfishness, gentleness mildness) with patience bearing with one another and making allowances because you love one another.”

If you are not convicted to love your fellow sinner, re-read these verses. Especially this Ephesians one. Paul is telling us to LIVE in the manner in which we were called. The Pharisee in us however, is bellowing like Tom Hanks in Castaway, YES! But Paul says, NO! With COMPLETE lowliness, with HUMILITY, and MEEKNESS, bearing one another’s (and I’m so stealing from Galatians right now) troublesome moral faults, why? Because we love one another…and the WORLD will know us, by our love.

4.    “Irritability” writes the author “describes the frequency of impatience, or the ease with which a person can become impatient over the slightest provocation.” Keeping Jerry’s definition in mind, do you agree that irritability is a sin? What do you think lies at the root of irritability? Be specific and explain your response.

Yes, I believe that irritability is a sin. I think it is a sin when we are irritable in the short term (such as illness as I described earlier) and I think a person, who is chronically irritable, who has developed a habit of impatience has also developed a habit of failing to trust God. In our hearts and minds we know that God is Sovereign and He will bring all things to pass in His time, but we live in an age where we have microwave meals, and fast food restaurants on every corner. We are an impatient, undisciplined people. God says to trust Him. How many of us could look around like Habakkuk and say (3:17-19), “Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord is my strength and my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not standstill in terror but walk] and make spiritual progress] upon my high places [of trouble, of suffering, of responsibility]!

May He make us More Like Grace and Glory each day and may we no longer be Much Afraid as we tread upon the high places that HE has made firm under our feet.