Today my husband and I attempted to visit a new church. We walked in and were greeted we were escorted to a seat, I set my belongings down (we were a few minutes late because this church was recommended to us by a friend and is about thirty minutes from our home) and as I stood up to join into the worship song there he was, the pastor who was the instrument of so much pain and confusion in my life. SS. Standing on the "stage" in what appeared to be a leadership position.
I did not handle it very well.
I could not get out of there fast enough.
My palms were sweaty, I felt like I was going to vomit and wondered if he shared with the leaders there what has happened in his past. Those of you who know me know that if you see me out I am the same person in the street that you meet in the church building. It has been many years since I have interacted with SS, but that was not the case with him. He had one face for church and another for home, and still another for school.
My husband will be crafting an email to the leadership of the church to let them know what they have in their midst. I sincerely hope he has changed, but as I have stated many times on this blog, if he has really changed, repentance would have come to the many he spiritually abused and to the other women he was involved with.
That has not happened.
This blog post and this one can help you gain some perspective if you are a first time visitor to my blog. Clergy abuse takes years, and sometimes a life time to overcome. If SS has changed, good for him, but as I said, repentance will have come to the many people he abused, and that has not happened. Even so, I do not think he should ever be allowed in leadership again, at least inso far as he would have to come into contact with women, or children, or men.
XOXO
4 comments:
Gail,
Please read the book The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, Ph.d. The description on the front cover reads, "1 in 25 ordinary Americans secretly has no conscience and can do anything at all without feeling guilty. Who is the devil you know?" The behavior you describe S.S. as having definitely sounds sociopathic to me. What I found to be the most valuable advice in the book was on page 157, rule number 3 of 13 for dealing with sociopaths in everyday life. Here it is:
When considering a new relationship of any kind, practice the Rule of Threes regarding the claims and promises a person makes, and the responsibilities he or she has. Make the Rule of Threes your personal policy. One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake. But three lies says your dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later, and less costly. Do not give your money, your work, your secrets, or your affection to a three-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted.
I'll be praying that the leadership, of the church mentioned, eyes will be opened and the truth about S.S. will be exposed so that others will not be abused by him.
Dear Anonymous,
I have not heard of that book. Thanks for the recommendation.
My husband and I wrote the leadership as we said we would, we contacted our previous elders (the ones who performed church discipline, and eventually disfellowshipped him from his own church) but to date we have not had any replies to our correspondence.
My only wish in all of this is that SS get right with the Lord and the evidence of that would be his repentance to all those he has damaged. Since I am still very close with many of the sheep he gutted, I know that has not happened.
My obligation then to the body universal is to tell my story, bravely, and where ever he is found to be hiding so that history does not repeat itself.
My husband and I consider it providential that we were there, that Sunday, at that time, what the leadership does with the information now that they have it...that is on them. I believe they have a time bomb in their midst, and I pray for the victims.
It has been just over one week and my husband and I have not heard anything from the correspondence we sent to Christ Community Church in Covington Louisiana. As I have written many times before, if this man were repentent he would have repented to ALL of those he wounded, and there were many. It has been ten years this past June.
Please be advised that this man attends the above mentioned church.
This is not a surprise, as Christ Community Church is a plant of Lakeview Christian Center on the south shore. Lakeview Christian Center is the church S.S. and family attended before preaching (and I quote) "a word of correction" to his dad's church, the church he then took over and was eventually removed from. The pastor of Christ Community Church is the former youth pastor of Lakeview Christian Center. This is disappointing to hear that you have not gotten a response. Maybe they are still investigating. Either that or S.S. gave them some BS that they were willing to take the easy way out and believe. Let's hope it's the former and not the latter.
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