I Still Believe: Jeremy Camp

Back in May I told you my next “thing” would be to read through and blog about Jeremy Camp’s book ‘I Still Believe’. The book was given to me back in December by a dear friend but I had tucked it away in my luggage and had forgotten about it… and you know how God works those circumstances out so that at just the right moment that thing happens and you go OH! I think I will do this instead of that…That’s kind of what happened with this book.

Some of you may realize that I am currently homeless, don’t panic. There is a roof over my head and I have a warm and cozy bed in which to snuggle with my hubby, I mean homeless in the spiritual sense.

As a victim of clergy sexual abuse, I struggled to fit in to our new church, and I struggled to use my gifts, and by God’s grace through the love and support of my husband and a few close friends who have continued to love me through this painful time of recovery I have grown, most notably since I was asked to lead the ladies bible study, which I agreed to do if I could choose the topic, which I was able to, and I chose Jerry Bridges, Respectable Sins.

Funny right? The very thing that my previous pastor used to get close to me and the thing I thought I would never EVER do again is the thing that brought the most healing to my wounded heart.

It was also during the time I was leading that study that I discovered that our current pastor shared an eerie similarity with our previous pastor, not in the predatory sexual way but in a controlling and I what I believed was becoming an abusive way towards his congregants. I wrote about what I was seeing in my blog on Judgmentalism. 

While my heart is hurting, at the same time I am rejoicing because I STILL BELIEVE.

This time, when I saw a man faltering I did not waver in my faith, I did not shudder and ask God why, I just said, “Ok, Lord, this is not the place for us.” It would have been easier if when we joined this pastor had been true to himself, but God is Sovereign, and I recognize that even that was for my sanctification. I am THANKFUL.

So I have read the first three chapters of Jeremy’s book and here is what I have found:

Jeremy’s parents were invited to attend a church were the policy was “come as you are” no matter what you look like or dress like. This was important to them because they were ‘hippies’ who were searching for Christ, and the churches they visited up till then were not the right fit for their family. It made me think of that Casting Crowns song, ‘If We Are the Body’ one of the lines says, ‘A Traveler is faraway from home, he sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back row, theweight of their judgmental glances tells him that his chances are better out onthe road’.

This church they visited though, was different, their ‘come as you are’ policy was intriguing. Thing is, when the time came for the family to attend, Jeremy’s dad had been drinking, heavily. When he met the family at church, he was, as they say, ‘drunker than cooter brown’.

Let me stop and ask you a question, how do you think a drunk man would be received in YOUR church this Sunday?

Jeremy’s father and friends climbed over people to get to where his mom was sitting and they plopped down and began speaking loudly among themselves and right about that time an usher came up to the men and asked them to come and sit with him.

As I read that I wept.

The Lord used that usher and that Pastor (who couldn’t stand alcohol or long haired hippies) to launch a ‘Whosoever Ministry” based on the idea that whosoever God brings into your path THAT’S who you reach out to with the LOVE of Jesus. Sound familiar?

It’s been the beat of my heart for O so many months, I just didn’t have those words for it…now I do…WHOSOEVER…I’ve been calling it "love them like Jesus".

Jeremy talks about the financial struggles the family went through and how they had nothing, about the lean times he called them, and how those times taught him to lean on and depend on God. I can relate. 

During the darkest times of my life these last twelve years (has it been that long?) have taught me that even when I feel abandoned by God, He is with me. My relationship with my husband would never be what it is now had I not gone through this fire, and I again find myself THANKFUL.

I am not sure what the Lord has in store for me now, I am ‘homeless’ in terms of a church family, but while I am I am listening to and waiting on the Lord. 

It seems I am in good company. There were times in Scripture that God called His people to go and leave all that they knew while He prepared a place for them. I know there is no perfect church this side of heaven, but there must be one out there He is calling me to, that has a heart for the lost, that loves folk right where they are, that has a “Whosoever” ministry…THAT’S where I feel He is leading me…until I find that place I will continue to love people where I find them just like Jesus did, I encourage you to as well.

XOXO