Self-Control

Session Eight:Lack of Self-Control

I decided to take my time with this last session.

These three topics are important enough for at least two individual blogs methinks.

When the children were little I had them memorize the verse Jerry mentions at the beginning of chapter thirteen, Proverbs 25:28, which says, “He who has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down and without walls.”

I taught them about how in biblical times the cities were surrounded by thick walls and how those walls were designed to keep enemies out. I also taught them that their walls i.e. their bodies were also made of dirt and clay and had to be constantly examined for weak spots.

You see, our enemy too, is relentless as he circles the city looking for a weakened area to sneak in and thus destroy the city. It just takes ONE weak spot, and the whole invading army could overtake the once fortified city.

As I taught my children I reminded them that WE are like those cities of old. We are earthen vessels that carry within us a great treasure and because we do we are constantly under attack by an enemy who looks for our weak spots, and he wants to destroy us.

You see 2 Corinthians 4:7 says, “However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves.”

A lack of self-control on our part in any area of our lives acts like and looks like to the enemy of our souls like one of those cities of old, with no defense no walls, and ripe for an attack.

I love how Jerry reminds us that part of Timothy’s exhortation to Titus was a reminder that the SAME grace that brings salvation to us also TRAINS us to live self-controlled lives.

Here is how it reads in Titus 2:11-12 “For the grace of God (His unmerited favor and blessing) has come forward (appeared) for the deliverance from sin and the eternal salvation for all mankind. It has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness (irreligion) and worldly (passionate) desires, to live discreet (temperate, self-controlled), upright, devout (spiritually whole) lives in this present world...”

Society keeps us from committing many of the sins that are unacceptable by societal standards, but who keeps us from sinning when there is no one to watch us? My son has a framed print I gave him years ago to remind him that the measure of a man is who and what he is when no one is watching. But God (two of my favorite words in all of Scripture) is that ever watchful eye. Proverbs 15:3 remind us that “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch upon the evil and the good.”

Jerry addresses three areas that are common among believers; indeed all men suffer from these three areas of self-control to one degree or another. See if you recognize yourself in any of these:

Eating:

I myself will go on food binges for lack of a better way to describe it. I will only eat a certain type of food for several weeks. Most recently, I ate a chef salad every day, with homemade blue cheese dressing for over a month and a half. I have no idea what causes these cravings, but I have come to realize after reading this chapter that I have become a slave to them. It seemed like “just” a funny, quirky thing that I did. However Paul said, in 1 Corinthians 6:12 “Everything is permissible (allowable and lawful) for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power.”

If I am obsessing about what to eat and how to eat it and what not to eat it, then I am being brought under its power, and I am definitely NOT exercising self-control.

Temper:

Another verse I had the children memorize when they were young, (hopefully they still remember these) and in this case I actually prefer the King James Version: Proverbs 29:11 “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.”

This can also tie back into our last session where we discussed the sins of the tongue. These two are closely related me thinks. Lack of self-control with a tongue problem will result in verbal vomit all over your brother or sister. Be wise, keep it till later. Remember “where there are many words sin is not lacking” Proverbs 10:19

Finances:

We live in a society that says we’re worth it, we deserve it, and we are just dumb enough to believe it. Many of us are undisciplined and are unable to wait, and our society has a “fast food” mentality, so why should we? As Willy Wonka’s Verruca would say, “I WANT it NOOWW!!” And so we charge it, borrow from Peter to pay Paul and gladly offer to pay for our hamburgers on Tuesday if we can eat them today.

Let’s get to our questions:

I.          LACK OF SELF-CONTROL

1.        A person lacking self-control is vulnerable to all kinds of temptations. Solomon, who wrote a key verse found at the beginning of this session, illustrates this. What happened to him and the Israelite nation, as recorded in I Kings 11:1-6, 29-33

“But King Solomon [defiantly] loved many foreign women—the [a]daughter of Pharaoh, women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, and Hittites. They were of the very nations of whom the Lord said to the Israelites, You shall not mingle with them, neither shall they mingle with you, for surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods. Yet Solomon clung to these in love. He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines, and his wives turned away his heart from God. For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not perfect (complete and whole) with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.

 For Solomon went after Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom the abominable idol of the Ammonites! Solomon did evil in the sight of the Lord, and went not fully after the Lord, as David his father did.” I Kings 11: 1-6

“At that time, when Jeroboam went out of Jerusalem, the prophet Ahijah the Shilonite met him on the way. Ahijah had clad himself with a new garment; and they were alone in the field. Ahijah caught the new garment he wore and tore it into twelve pieces. He said to Jeroboam, You take ten pieces, for thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, Behold, I will tear the kingdom from the hand of Solomon and will give you ten tribes.  But he shall have one tribe, for My servant David’s sake and for Jerusalem’s sake, the city which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, Because they have forsaken Me and have worshiped Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, Chemosh the god of the Moabites, and Milcom the god of the Ammonites, and have not walked in My ways, to do what is right in My sight, keeping My statutes and My ordinances as did David his father.” I Kings 11:29-33

The Israelites, Solomon, and those of us who call ourselves believers today are warned about uniting our hearts in marriage with an unbeliever, for the reasons listed above. They will turn our hearts away from God. It is not that they might, not that they could but that they will. These whispering women caused Solomon to doubt God as he grew older, and the nation he led suffered because of it. It is tempting to think we can “change” someone with our faith, our love, but the reality is that is God’s work. I read something Chuck Swindol wrote once, and his words have stayed with me, you will never make the mud glovey, you will only succeed in getting the glove muddy. Keep your gloves out of the mud. That being said, I am not advocating a “don’t drink smoke or chew” attitude and I don’t think Chuck was either. There is a clear line of demarcation in each of us, find yours and do not cross it, doing so is sin to you.

2.        What do these verses reveal to you about self-control?

Galatians 5:22-23

“But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [that can bring a charge].”

That self-control is not something WE can muster on our own; it is a fruit of the spirit, evidence of our life in Christ.

2 Timothy 3:1-3

“But understand this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear]. For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane. [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good.”

That in the end times people will exercise very little self-control and will show a greater love for themselves rather than loving their fellow man. (Aren’t we seeing an increase of this now?)

Titus 2:2

“Urge the older men to be temperate, venerable (serious), sensible, self-controlled, and sound in the faith, in the love, and in the steadfastness and patience [of Christ].”

Titus 2:5-6

“To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited). In a similar way, urge the younger men to be self-restrained and to behave prudently [taking life seriously].”

That self-control is a quality desired for men and women in order that God be glorified.

Ecclesiastes 2:10

“And whatever my eyes desired I kept not from them; I withheld not my heart from any pleasure, for my heart rejoiced in all my labor, and this was my portion and reward for all my toil.”

That Solomon followed this line of thinking to his own destruction; this should be a warning to each of us.

3.        Because biblical self-control is not a product of our natural will-power, what trains us to live self-controlled lives? (see Titus 2:11-12) What does this insight mean to you personally?

Titus 2:11-12

“For the grace of God (His unmerited favor and blessing) has come forward (appeared) for the deliverance from sin and the eternal salvation for all mankind. It has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness (irreligion) and worldly (passionate) desires, to live discreet (temperate, self-controlled), upright, devout (spiritually whole) lives in this present world,”

It reminds me that I am not responsible to “pull myself up by my bootstraps” that I cannot muster up enough will power to overcome an area of weakness in my life I need help, and not just any help, God’s help. It reminds me that He’s given that to me and to you through His Son, Jesus, and the helper the Holy Spirit.  In fact, 2 Peter 1:3 tells us “For His divine power has bestowed upon us all things that [are requisite and suited] to life and godliness, through the [full, personal] knowledge of Him Who called us by and to His own glory and excellence (virtue).”

Our ability to exercise self-control doesn’t make US look good, (although some develop pride over their abilities to do certain things that God has gifted them to do) rather our self-control points us and others back towards the One who gifted us with that ability in the first place. So next time someone admires your self-control, remember to point them back to the Author of it.

4.         In order for us to exercise self-control, what must we battle unceasingly? (see 1 Peter 2:11)

1 Peter 2:11

 “Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul.”

We must constantly battle our flesh. We are at war with it. Another verse I thought of was Romans 8:13 which says, “For if you live according to [the dictates of] the flesh, you will surely die. But if through the power of the [Holy] Spirit you are [habitually] putting to death (making extinct, deadening) the [evil] deeds prompted by the body, you shall [really and genuinely] live forever.”

It must become a HABIT for us. Remember we talked about this earlier? We have to make a daily habit of getting into God’s word and a daily habit of choosing NOT to gratify the desires of our flesh. There are a thousand no’s you have to say to yourself every day, and only YOU can say it, if you are not in tune with the Holy Spirit, by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:1-2) you will be unable to make those choices, in my opinion. Will you do irreparable harm to yourself? No, I do not think so, but you will stagnate, and 2 Peter tells us that a person who is not “adding to” themselves will even develop a type of spiritual amnesia. Don’t do that, it is not a good time.

5.        “Self-control is dependent, “Jerry writes, “on the influence and enablement of the Holy Spirit. It requires continual exposure of our minds to the Word of God and continual prayer for the Holy Spirit to give us both the desire and power to exercise self-control.”

a.In our individualistic, goal-oriented culture why is this truth important to remember.

Hebrews 11:6 reminds us that it is impossible to please God without faith, and that He rewards those that earnestly and diligently seek Him. Jeremiah 29:13 tells us that if we search for Him with our whole heart we WILL find Him. Finding Him is essential in our quest for self-control, for without Him we cannot have it.

b.In light of our busy lives, what specific steps can we take to ensure that we expose our minds continually to God’s Word? That we pray regularly and draw closer to God?

I don’t like to offer up a “formula” because I don’t think that works across the board, but I can tell you what works for me. Every day I consciously make time to read God’s Word, it’s His love letter to me, as a girlfriend of mine once described it. I choose to listen to music, daily that centers my thoughts on God that causes me to pray. I look for reasons to pray, and then I actually pray. When a friend asks me to pray for a circumstance rather than say ok, I usually actually pray, right then. Am I always so disciplined? Of course not, because I too am a sinner. My goal though, my aim is to be MORE like Jesus every day. That’s the hymn I will leave you with till next time...when we explore envy and jealousy...until then though meditate on this amazing hymn, and do something today that increases Him and decreases you...

"More like Jesus would I be, let my Savior dwell with me;
Fill my soul with peace and love—make me gentle as a dove;
More like Jesus, while I go, pilgrim in this world below;
Poor in spirit would I be; let my Savior dwell in me."