The title for this blog was inspired by a John Calvin quote.
“There are various methods by which God humbles His elect but as the greater part of those who are loaded with afflictions still remain obstinate and rebellious Christ means by persons laboring in burden He means those whose consciences are distressed by their exposure to eternal death and who are inwardly so pressed down by their miseries that they faint. For this very fainting prepares them to receive His grace.”
I find, sadly, that I am STILL part of the “greater part of those who are loaded with afflictions and still remain obstinate and rebellious.”
The afflictions I find myself under are common to man…for the scriptures tell me that NO temptation has seized me except what is common…and He is always faithful to provide away of escape, and even in this (my taking the escape or running head long into the temptation) I find He has prepared the way before me.
Long before the words, “Let there be light” were spoken, before the light was separated from the darkness, He planned for ME.
And yet, I find myself struggling with obstinance and rebellion.
I still sin.
Watching our new dog, Sadie-Belle reminds me that I still have much to learn, and He uses my children and my
animals to teach me.
When she is being naughty, Sadie relishes in it. She gnaws happily on shoes, purses, flowers, tablecloths, anything she can get her teeth on. While she is chewing destructively she does not give a single thought to her masters who care for her so lovingly.
The fact that she loves us is without question. When we return home she wriggles, yelps, rubs against our legs and licks us excitedly. She fetches her toys and drops them at our feet so we can play with her, she lays contentedly by our feet.
Its when she thinks she is alone that she forgets.

When we discover her destruction, she shies away from us, she runs to her “room” and gazes at us with downcast eyes, what we call the “hang dog look” and she acts ashamed.
The proof of her disobedience lies all around her, and she flees from it. The thing she once rolled around enjoying, she suddenly despises. She can not distance herself fast enough from the thing she once enjoyed with great gusto.
Shoe straps hanging from her mouth, table cloths adorning her as a cape, she tries to slink away from the evidence, but it clings to her, it surrounds her and she is found guilty.
I have to go to her and physically remove the evidence of her crimes, I have to clean up the mess she has made, I have to comfort her and remind her that she is loved, that WE chose HER.
Like my dog, Sadie, there times I really, really, like my sin. When I am in the midst of it, when I am covered in the filth of it, when I am rolling around in it, I don’t think of the consequences. I have taken my gaze off my master, and I forget.
It is later when I see the mess I’ve made, when I am covered with the evidence of my sin and I hear my name being called, that I try to hide, but there is no place for me to hide.
Psalm 139 tells me: “If I ascend up into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead), behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there shall Your hand lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me and the night shall be [the only] light about me, Even the darkness hides nothing from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.”
This psalm was put to music by Sovereign Grace Ministries. It is a beautiful reminder that His hand is always upon me. He knows, He knew, He planned.
His love hems me behind and before.
The song is called “Your Hand Upon Me.”
He comes to me, while I am filthy with my sin and reminds me of His great love for me. I faint under the shame of it, I want to flee from His presence.
Even in this He prepared….He knew this very thing would be the thing to drive me to repentance. He knew that His mercy and grace would be irresistible, He knew when He called my name I would flee the filth and that He would lovingly remove the evidence of my crimes and make me clean.
He reminds me that HE chose ME.
John MacArthur says, “When I realized that Jesus Christ bore my sins in His own body on the tree, that Jesus Christ who knew no sin became sin for me, when I realized that God laid on Him the iniquity of us all, when I realized that I was redeemed not with corruptible things like silver and gold but with the precious blood of Jesus Christ, when I realized that when I was an enemy when I was hated when I hated God when I was His enemy and when I was against Him and a blasphemer and mocker, in mercy and in love God sent His Son to redeem me. When I understand that the cross takes away ALL my sins, when I understand that His perfect substitutionary atonement covers me with the righteousness of Christ, and when I understand that therefore that heaven is eternally mine, when I understand all that Christ has accomplished that gives me an abiding joy that any trivial passing circumstance of life should not affect.”
MacArthur is absolutely correct.
The reality is that we forget.
In our forgetfulness we pursue the very things that sully us.
Jerry Bridges reminds us in his book, “The Disciplines of Grace” that we MUST live by grace. We MUST remind ourselves daily that the work on the cross was and is finished. When I first heard that MacArthur quote, my heart thrilled…I REMEMBERED…I REALIZED…I BELIEVED.

Whether I have neatly checked off my to do list, or wallowed in the filthiness of the sin that remains, I realize it is finished.
The gospel then becomes something for ME, something daily I need to grasp, daily I need to wrap my mind around it, I realize that it is not something I place on a shelf to “share” with those who need it, because I NEED IT.
Daily I need to be reminded of the price that was paid for me, daily I need to meditate on where I was, where I am and the grace that covers all of it.
He knew what I would do long before I knew, and He chose to clothe me in His own robes of righteousness and give me a place of honor at His table.
When I find myself covered in sin, when I realize again that I have failed, may I fix my gaze firmly on the cross and remember that it is not by works that I have been saved, but by His grace. May that knowledge help me to get up from the mess I have made and walk again by my Masters side, obediently.