Twenty Years Later...

Twenty years ago Andy and I welcomed our first child into our hearts and our home. We were, like most first time parents, unaware of the depth of our responsibility to this new little creature. Our hearts had not yet been opened by the One Who created them and we blindly walked with our son’s chubby hand in ours. Ten months later we welcomed a daughter into our growing family.

Profoundly dissatisfied with my life I began to search for some meaning beyond the daily chores and loneliness I suffered as my husband left me each day to work long hours to support us. I turned briefly to drugs and to alcohol. Finding no satisfaction in those and hating what I was becoming I turned to “church.”

I began attending my sister’s church, the same sister who is slowly dying from cancer that has invaded her brain. It was there, week after week that I heard about Jesus and His unconditional love for me. I knew the stories. My sister had brought me to VBS as a child.

I didn’t know Him.

Three months into my church attendance I still had not “given” my heart to the Lord, but one Sunday Andy decided to attend with me and the children. I can not tell you what the sermon was about. I only know that as I sat there listening and when the invitation was given I knew I had to accept. It wasn’t an option for me. I knew that without Christ my life would continue, but it would be more of what I’d experienced already. With Christ, it would be different. I could not explain why I knew that, I could not tell you how it would be different, I just knew if I had ANY chance at peace, it was with Him.

The first few weeks I called my sister daily.

I remember thinking, “This is peace?” as our circumstances drastically changed. She comforted me by explaining that the peace I would experience would be in my ability to stand up under what felt like an onslaught of trials. Then, like the beauty of a new day the storm clouds cleared and we were blessed. In a way I still get chills over when I talk about it.

Andy and I decided to buy a house. This house. We had no money saved, poor credit, and another baby on the way. In our naiveté we looked at houses anyway. When we saw this house we left thinking this was not for us. It needed a lot of work and was about ten thousand dollars more than we wanted to pay.

The first thing that happened was our real estate agent called us to say the sellers suddenly dropped the list price by ten thousand dollars. We came back for a second look. Next, the finance company approved us for the amount we requested. Finally, the woman who owned the house called us personally to tell us that she was a Christian, she had been praying about who would live in this house, and the Lord impressed on her heart it was to be a family with many children. No one knew yet that we were expecting our third child. In addition she offered to give us the money we needed for the down payment.

The Grommon’s became homeowners.

But our story didn’t end there.

My husband continued to attend church. Each week I would nudge him and say, “Is the Lord calling you?” and each week he looked at me as if I were completely out of my mind, but he continued to attend.

I devoured everything I could. I memorized Scripture, I read devotionals, I read church history, I read …I read…and I read some more.

Andy attended, but never got as excited as I did about my new found faith. Even now his is a quiet faith that is quite opposite from my vociferous one, with a depth that far exceeds my own.

One Wednesday evening when we were attending a Christian financial seminar, the speaker asked if everyone in attendance were believers. My husband unashamedly raised his hand and replied, no. The speaker asked if he wished to change that. Again, Andy’s reply was, “No.” His negative reply was the only one in the room. Everyone else in attendance was professing believers.

I squirmed in my seat, and bit my tongue off.

It had been eight months since the Lord had opened my heart. I had begun to change from the woman he married, all positive changes. He later told me how he watched me for signs that “this” was just a passing fancy. That night I went to the nursery to pick up our children, I moved slowly, as I was heavy with our third child. I found my husband in the sanctuary, head to head with the guest speaker. The peacefulness that stole over my heart is indescribable. I knew his heart was changed that night.
Many years have passed since that night.

Years that I longed for a different man than the one God had given me. I would see godly men and wish Andy was godlier. I would see Christian families and long to be “just like them”. We ended up attending a church (at my insistence) that just might have been the undoing of our marriage. The pastor who abused his position was ousted, and my husband displayed a grace to me that I never expected in human form. The new elders led us through a bible study on the fear of man.

We grew.

There came a time when we decided it might be best for us to begin looking for a new church home. A decision Andy had a hard time making because of his convictions and commitment to church family. He eventually removed us from the place where our growth had stagnated and into a church where healing has begun in my heart.

My husband has grown…and grown…and grown.

My love for the Lord and the passion I exuded drew a wicked man with wicked intentions to me. I now hide (gratefully) behind my husband and follow him as I never have before. The passion I have for the Lord exists in my quiet place. Perhaps some day He will restore to me a public display of my affection for Him, perhaps that day will never come.

The day HAS come where my husband is godlier in my eyes than the godly men I know and have known. I look at him amazed that it has been over twenty years I have held his heart in my hands. I am ashamed that those same hands bruised that heart.

Andy’s love for me has never waivered. His devotion has never dwindled. He loves me today more than he did twenty years ago. We have grown up, together.

A few months ago Andy was nominated to become a deacon.

His training recently ended, he was examined by the session and found to be an acceptable candidate. The church voted on accepting him as a deacon, and he was elected. I Timothy 3 says this about deacon candidates and their wives:

“In like manner the deacons [must be] worthy of respect, not shifty and double-talkers but sincere in what they say, not given to much wine, not greedy for base gain [craving wealth and resorting to ignoble and dishonest methods of getting it]. They must possess the mystic secret of the faith [Christian truth as hidden from ungodly men] with a clear conscience. And let them also be tried and investigated and proved first; then, if they turn out to be above reproach, let them serve [as deacons]. [The] women likewise must be worthy of respect and serious, not gossipers, but temperate and self-controlled, [thoroughly] trustworthy in all things. Let deacons be the husbands of but one wife, and let them manage [their] children and their own households well. For those who perform well as deacons acquire a good standing for themselves and also gain much confidence and freedom and boldness in the faith which is [founded on and centers] in Christ Jesus.”

The whole time he was being examined, all I thought about was how amazing all of this is. For years I longed for Andy to become this godly ideal I imagined in my mind, I looked towards other men as the standard. I learned early on, for myself, that I would only ever be the woman God designed me to be. I never extended that knowledge to my husband or children,that came later. Not only is it true for my husband, my children, it is also true for anyone who is called by His name.

My husband is all I ever dreamed him to be and more. The picture in my head was different from the reality I now experience, but it is BETTER than I imagined. Isn’t that how the Lord works?

Rejoice with our family today…

Not just because we have a son who is twenty, not just because we have a husband and father who has been ordained as a deacon, but because we are ALL growing in grace…and that we understand that grace in ways we never would had He not allowed us to go through the trials of this life. Trials specifically designed for each of us to reveal Him in us and His glory to the world around us.

May each of you continue to grow in grace…and may that same grace be a preserver to you when you find yourself floundering in the storms of life.

He Never Lets Go

An amazing thing happened after my last post.

I was flipping through the channels in one of those "moods" not really wanting to watch tv...or do anything really when I stumbled on to the 700 club.

The piece was about a girl who was struggling with circumstances in her life and she prayed that God would give her something, a sign if you will, that would encourage her to keep moving forward. Not long after she uttered that heartfelt cry she opened her door and saw an amazing display of butterflies that had landed all around her home...they blanketed the ground surrounding her home like a carpet of living, fluttering beauty.

A vivid reminder of the One Who transforms.

Before you ask, no, hundreds of butterflies did not land on Kent Street. But a reminder of the One Who transforms was given to me, nonetheless.

On Saturday my Pastor and his wife were out shopping and she saw a platter that reminded her of my kitchen, She went to it, shrugged and walked away. The platter would make a nice gift. She walked over to it again and looked at it, feeling strongly that she wanted to purchase it for me. My pastor asked her what she was thinking, she said she wanted to buy that platter for me. He said buy it. She did.

Saturday I woke with a heavy heart and wrote my blog, "Saved? Really??" and in the last few lines I wrote: BUT we havea hope...we have a future...we have His promise...
nothing can separate us from His love...

Sunday morning my Pastor's wife handed me her "little something" and when I opened the bag,saw the platter and what was engraved in the border of that platter, I dissolved into tears. There was a passage of Scripture engraved in the border that surrounded that little platter...

Jeremiah 29:11

For me, it was as if a field of butterflies descended all around me...I saw a tangible reminder of His love, through the very people I had begun to block out with my wall.

It was an answer to my prayer to tear down the wall I was building.

I built those walls brick, by sinful brick...He tore it down with one tiny platter.

I am forever grateful that He does not and will not let go of me...that He hears my prayers and He gives me encouragement along the way.

Enjoy the song...and may you too be encouraged that in His grip is exactly where you want to be ....

Really??? Saved?

My last post was a little more than a month ago.

It was my hearts cry after returning from a trip with my sister.

We spent just under a week driving to Branson, Missouri, where we enjoyed a few shows and delighted in the vast beauty of the mountains.

My heart is overflowing lately.

Grief sneaks in at the most inopportune moments.

A friend pointed out to me that I have been through a lot in a very few years. Chronologically, it goes something like this:

Involved in an abusive relationship with my former pastor, the healing of my marriage, taking the responsibility of raising my nephew, losing our home during Katrina, living with another family during the rebuilding process, the death of my mother, the loss of good friends, finding a new church home, three children beginning and one child graduating from high school, my father undergoing triple bypass surgery and living with our family for a few months, and most recently my sister diagnosed with terminal brain cancer…

As I typed out those events, tears welled up into my eyes.

The beginning of this time line starts somewhere during 2003 and it is not likely to end until death closes my eyes. From the outside looking in the things I have been through seem overwhelming.

Wanna know a secret? Some of them have been QUITE overwhelming.

It may seem as though I literally breezed through some of these circumstances. During some of those circumstances it actually felt like I was breezing through. People were amazed at my responses to adversity in my life.

I was amazed at my response to adversity in my life.

That being said, I must confess: I am NOT breezing through this most recent set of circumstances. I find myself angry, sullen, cloaking my heart, and hiding from God and especially His people.

People ask how my sister is doing and I find my self questioning their motives.

You see, in 1991 my sister was an active member of a church. She had been an active member in a church from the time she was in her late teens. When the doors were open, she was there. The entire family sniggered as she became the equivalent of Dana Carvey’s “Church Lady” and yawned as she “droned” on about how much God loved each of us. Eventually, I married, had two children and found myself profoundly dissatisfied with my life.

It was a direct result of her encouragement that I began attending a church (her church), and eventually my husband began to attend as well. Also, eventually, our hearts were pried open by the God who made them. I shudder to think where our family would be had God not used her influence in our lives. This is not to say that He would not have used another means to open our hearts, just reflecting on who He chose to use in our lives so that forever we will remember HER influence, HER example, HER walk.

When asking about the welfare of my sister, the question of her spiritual condition always arises. This is, of course, an important question, to be sure. It is not in the asking of the question that I find myself so annoyed, it is in the reaction to my reply that my frustration arises.

The conversations usually go something like this:

“How’s your sister?”
“Oh, she’s doing alright, you know.” (What else can I say? She’s slowly dying)
“Is she a Christian?”
“She made a profession of faith, and she claims Christ.”
“Oh, I’ve had relatives claim Christ too, but they sure didn’t live like Christians.”

First, let me say this conversation is a compilation of several conversations. Ultimately it is those last fourteen words that “do it” for me.

I’m often asked if she had a REAL conversion.

“Does she bear fruit?”

So I mentally check off the following:

Does she show love? Yes.

Does she possess joy? Sometimes.

Does she possess peace? Sometimes.

Is she patient? Yes.

Is she long-suffering? Yes.

Is she gentle? Yes.

Does she possess goodness? Yes.

Has she shown faith? Yes.

Is she meek? Sometimes.

Does she or has she exercised self-control? Yes.

So I respond, Yes, she has borne fruit, similar in texture and flavor to my own.

Well, then the question comes:

“Is she really bearing fruit, or is she just a “good” person?

Well, what does it mean to “bear fruit” then?

I guess I don’t know…

I realize this post is darker than many of the ones I have written. I also know that many of you have expressed to me thanks at my honesty and my willingness to be “real.” What else can I be?

Don’t we all struggle?

Don’t we all have circumstances that seem, if only for a moment, to trounce us?

If the fruit of the spirit is represented by those character traits and my sister possesses them, or has shown evidence of them at points in her life, who am I to say she is not a Christian?

Don’t I sin each and every day?

Don’t I take God’s grace for granted and willfully sin?

Paul tells me I will NEVER be free from this body of sin, except when I meet Him face to face. Have I misunderstand Paul?

Jerry Bridges in his book, The Discipline of Grace says this:

“Let me be clear at this point. WE do not pursue holiness or the evidences of God’s discipline to attain salvation. That would be salvation by works. Rather, God’s discipline in our lives, AND the desire to pursue holiness on our part, be it ever so faint, IS the inevitable result of receiving God’s gift of salvation by faith.”

When I read those words my heart rejoiced.

“…be it ever so faint…”

WE can never determine the spiritual status of another.

Oh, we like to sit and judge people based on their outward actions. We like to think we know the whole story based on what they do or say.

There is only One who knows the true reality of another’s heart.

The One Who created it.

If you had known me when I was entrenched in life dominating sin, would you have deemed me a deceived unbeliever?

Perhaps even now, as I type my heart is desperately deceived.

But I know what God has done in my heart and in my life.

And it is He who knows what circumstances He needs to allow into my life to shape and mold me into His likeness.

I find myself exhausted playing the spiritual police. I have long since stopped trying to decide who belongs to the Father and who does not.

It’s not my job.

MY job is to grow in the way HE directs.

My job is to speak the truth.

My job is to fear God MORE than I fear man.

HIS job is to open the hearts of men and women to His mercy and grace.

It is a fathomless fountain of mercy and a grace that knows no bounds.

The enemy of our souls would have us believe he has won as he sits upon our chests ready to plunge his dagger into our hearts, not realizing that those hearts were forever changed as Christ died on Calvary’s tree. That change in our hearts was not wrought by anything we ourselves could do. It was precisely because we could do nothing that Christ died.

Does this mean we go on sinning, with no thought given to our actions?

No, but we often do, don’t we?

We compare our little sins to someone’s bigger sins and think we are alright.

We will never be alright as long as we remain in THIS body of sin.

But we have a hope…

We have a future…

We have His promise…

NOTHING can separate us from His love.

As Martin Luther said,

“We are saved by faith alone, but faith that saves is NEVER alone.”

Pray for our family and for me in particular.

Pray that I would not blame God for the misspoken words of His people. That I would push myself to tear down the walls I have begun to build around my heart and that others would come to understand the marvelous mystery that is grace and of what God has really done for those who are His own.

I leave you with Micah 7:8 and 9 because it reminds me that while satan thinks he is victorious, and lifts the dagger high over his head to plunge it into our wayward hearts, God alone will be the true victor in the end…

"Rejoice not against me, O my enemy! When I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light to me. I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against Him, until He pleads my cause and executes judgment for me. He will bring me forth to the light, and I shall behold His righteous deliverance.”

A world filled with lights

Made our hearts wander

But never far is the cloud that covered

Reminding us that our days here are numbered

For more of this world her heart hungers

I struggle to show her things she has never seen,

While knowing soon she will see things I have dreamed

I silently watch and smile and nod

All the while I pray to God

I know…I know…but help me to know…

I see….I see….but help me to see…

I hope…I hope…make me believe…

I believe, I believe, strengthen my faith

I do not have the answers I struggle to speak

When I look through her eyes, the future is bleak

All I can do is love her, I do

And hold her and tell her that He loves her too

But alone in my quiet space I cry out and wonder

The pain and the suffering of that one tiny blunder

The storms and the clouds the lightening and thunder

The agony of separation, pain, humiliation

And after, the joy of reunion

The sweet communion of our reconciliation

The final proof of our salvation

See as we have been seen

Know as we have been known

Eternity before us, we worship at His throne

All is forgotten

What we once held dear

When the Savior comes calling, when He is near

Our eye sight will be forever unclouded

Seeing perfectly the One who condescended

When this life is over…when this life is ended

Our Own Room: A Soon~to~Be~Reality

As some of you know, Andy and I have been s-l-o-w-l-y working on the addition that would give our rather large family more room. After Katrina we re-arranged the kids and that left us without a bedroom.

When the FEMA trailer was picked up a few months ago, its removal removed that last tiny bit of privacy we had.

Our things (which should be in our bedroom) are scattered between the children's rooms and the rest of the house. There are clothes Andy and I KNOW we own, yet we can not find them. Things newly purchased end up hidden in the dark recesses of our home because someone was picking up and shoved our "stuff" out of sight.

I am not complaining. I know that there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Andy keeps telling me that it will be worth the wait.

I think I'll trust him.

Here are some photo's of our almost room, Enjoy the pic's:






Our bed will go between the windows (Andy even installed a light switch close to where the bed will go so we won't have to get out of bed to turn out the lights.) If you squint, you can see it there next to the window...











This is our bathroom...



























and THIS is our tub!

On dressing girls...

Do you remember playing with your dolls when you were a little girl? I loved to play with my baby dolls, and later my Barbie dolls, dressing them in both store bought creations that dazzled the eye, or home made creations that revealed my artistic side. (okay, maybe they weren’t so artistic, but I thought they were cute)

When I grew up and had three wonderful daughters I began to dress them like I did my baby dolls of old.

Lizzy, who had no hair to speak of, had scores of matching bows scotch-taped to her head in my effort to “cute-I-fy” her. Bekah, who had TONS of hair, had bows and barrettes in her coiffure that, you guessed it matched every tiny dress. When Tina came along she, of course, inherited the many frilly frocks of her sisters before her and then the real fun began.

I got to dress them ALIKE!!!

Tina had a few of her own trend setting outfits, particularly when I went through the “hat” stage. That was a fun time for mother and daughters a like. The girls didn’t mind being paraded about in all their frilly finery, and my desire to dress up my little cherubs was satiated (at least until I have grandbabies!)

As the girls got older though, and began to transition from the frilly bow stage to the young woman stage it became increasingly difficult to find clothes that they could and would wear.

Those of you who have daughters may be able to relate to what I am about to say, particularly if your daughters are in that “in-between” stage. No, I am not referring to the whole marketing ploy (“tween“) that tells girls age ten to twelve that they too can be as hip and as cool as their teen counterparts.

No longer dressing them to please myself, I allow them to pick out clothes that reveal the wonderful personalities that God equipped them with. Lizzy has probably had the easiest time as she is more of a t-shirts and skirt kind of gal, not quite the Goth look that tells the world to back off but a modification of that look, a softer version, with boots. ;)

Bekah on the other hand dresses with a bit of a preppy flair. Not all khaki (like her aunt) but a little more reserved than her mother (okay! A lot more reserved than her mother who has been known for her penchant of animal prints)

I recently took my fourteen year old daughter (Tina) shopping for some new church dresses. The task before us seemed daunting, insurmountable even.

While transitioning Lizzy and Bekah was not easy (think HOURS logged at our local mall, various boutiques and our trusty Wal-Mart) it was not as difficult as it has been for Tina. There seems to be only two styles (well, three if you count the “maw-maw” look) available to the girls these days. The dresses are either all frilled up, or all cut up. Meaning they do not leave much to the imagination .

So Tina and I set out on our hunt and came home with only three dresses that day. One dress needs sweater to cover the her shoulders (spaghetti straps) and another needs a tank top underneath because the v-neck went way past where it should have. The third dress after a thorough hanger by hanger look through every rack produced a lovely scoop necked empire wasted dress with variegating shades of blue.

When talking to my pastors wife later that day I shared my experience by asking a question…why are all the dresses for Tina’s size either full of bows or made for ho’s?

Sadly, that what we found the most of. Clothes designed for little girls that either full of frilly wonderfulness appropriate for a toddler or were cut too short, and too low for even a woman of my age. In fact L. L. Cool J has said about his clothing line for LITTLE girls, “Clothes have to make a woman feel good, relaxed and sexy.”

I think that we need to teach our girls that you can look nice and stylish without looking like you are trying to display all your wares at the market. The beauty I want my girls to display doesn’t come from their outward appearance, but flows from within them and bubbles to the surface causing you to take a second glance. Its not about the clothes you wear or the things you put in your hair or how well you coordinate your jewelry to your outfit.

It is the inner beauty that we should be cultivating in our daughters.

I jokingly made the comment about bows and ho’s to my pastor‘s wife…but it reminded me of the diligence we must pursue when raising our daughters. I don’t want a daughter who wears frilly bows in an effort to prolong the innocent look of her youth, neither do I want her to think, even for a moment that in order to attract a husband she must wear clothing that draws a man in only for what he sees with his human eye.

I want my daughters to dress in a way that is neat, stylish, attractive, and in a way that is true to their personality. As I mentioned earlier, I love animal prints. I also love bold swatches of color. My sister loves khaki. There is room in the fashion world for us both.

We all don’t have to wear all bows…or dress like ho’s.

We must first dress ourselves in the character of Christ and be known by others as women and girls who give of themselves not for any glory they may receive but for the glory of the one Who created them, then maybe people can know that there is more to us as women and girls than our bold swatches of color, or our comfortable khaki.

I pray that I have instilled this into my own precious daughters.

A reminder though, when those grandbabies arrive…

I am going shopping!

One Foot in Front of the Other

My friend Ben, over at Marriages Restored

Provoked me with his blog...but in a good way.

He writes about the length of time it took for he and his wife Ann to turn their backs to the anger and bitterness caused by their respective affairs’ and to look forward to a future they would share, together. The length of time it took them was four hundred forty four days…One year, two months and twenty days…

Some marriages may take less time than that and some may take longer than that to resolve the painful issues brought up by the revelation of an affair. Whether the affair is physical or emotional both are equally painful and damaging, to everyone involved.

There may be four adults, two couples (perhaps more people are affected if there are children involved) whose lives undergo a major trauma as they deal with the after effects of an affair. Every single person related to the affair partners is affected..

For Andy and I (and our children) we realized the emotional affair I had with my former pastor was a dependence on the relationship rather than the God who spins the universe in the palm of His hand. What we identified were areas in our own marriage where lack of communication and neglect had allowed the deceiver to come in and work his brand of dark magic on my heart.

Ben mentions the movie “Fireproof” and the companion book “Love Dare”.

I have seen the movie and I own the book, and Ben is right, forty days when your marriage is in the crapper may not be enough. In the movie though, Kirk Cameron’s character Caleb responds to his wife’s question, “So, what day are you on?” his response is, “43” and she responds, “There’s only 40.” His response is: “Who says I have to stop?”

Isn’t that what makes a good marriage better? What breathes life into a hopeless situation? What stops you dead in your tracks as you realize it is a choice you have to make?

Years ago, I read a book by Dr. Ed Wheat called “Love Life for Every Married Couple” in it he promised that if YOU were the only one working on your marriage, it would get better…no matter how bad it has gotten.

It’s true…it is a simple process, as simple as learning how to walk.

There is a trick though…you have to focus on your self.

Sound contradictory?

Not really…‘cause like I tell my kids all the time YOU are only responsible for YOUR behavior. It takes effort and discipline to ignore the pain and do things that seem unnatural to you, and “Love Dare” is a tool that may help you. Think of it as a starting place, a talisman if you will, that when you see it or read it reminds you of the very simple principles you must apply to your every day relationship with your spouse.

Since watching the movie and reading through the suggestions in the book I have found myself applying what I have learned. I catch myself beginning to comment on something Andy has either done, or left undone and as I am about to speak I find myself lost in those blue eyes of his and I say instead, “I love you, Honey" and smile at him.

My sister and I were talking about marriage and the difficulty of maintaining a healthy bond between us and our spouses with bills, raising children, household chores and the temptation for either spouse to look outside the marriage relationship to ease the stress that is called life. As we talked our conversation fell naturally to a couple we both know whose relationship is going through the strain. I said to her, “but they really DO love one another” and she said, “Sometimes love isn’t enough”

That got me thinking…is love enough? How many couples do we know whose marriages have succumbed because love wasn’t enough…the right kind of love will always be enough…true love (which is what “Love Dare” is based on) IS enough…

Because true love is not that crazy feeling you have every time you see him, I mean that’s part of it, but not the deepest part. Real love, true love is that self-sacrificing, unconditional “willing to go the extra mile” attitude that carries you through those times when you don’t “feel” in love with your spouse…

I can honestly say, there have been times I have looked at Andy Grommon like I wished he would disappear forever…I know there have been times I have absolutely felt I hated him with everything in me (and he would say he has felt the same towards me) but those are feelings…and as Luther said, they come and go…and they are deceiving.

When all is said and done, I am with Andy Grommon because he is my husband, and the Scriptures tell me I have been made one with him as I am with no other person on this planet. It is a God thing. Through Andy’s example I have learned what unconditional love is…and though I have failed to love him as I ought, he has never turned away from me.

If I were him, I would leave me.

A steady focus on MY behavior has shown me that I am a selfish, controlling and demanding woman. My feelings get hurt when my partially German, fiercely independent husband appears to ignore my pleas to help him in some small way, after all I was created to be HIS help meet. But when my focus in on me, and when I see myself correctly and not the poor pitiful me that complains because things are not the way I think they should be I can actually perform the assignments in “Love Dare”

A few of the suggestions are:

Say nothing negative to your spouse…perform a random act of kindness…Purchase something special for your spouse that shows them you were thinking of them…call your spouse with no agenda and ask if there is anything YOU can do for THEM…Asking your spouse to tell you three things that YOU do that irritate them, and then LISTEN to what they say without trying to defend yourself…respond to those tough circumstances with patience and grace instead of anger and aggravation…make a list of your spouses positive traits as well as the negative ones…Thank your spouse for the positive qualities they possess…burn the list of negative traits and determine to encourage growth in the positive traits through verbal encouragement…

Seems pretty simple, doesn’t it?

It really is that simple, but it does require that you die to your own selfishness, that you put to death your own interests, and that you mortify your members.

The scene that comes to my mind is from “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” you know, where the Winter Warlock has just been given a gift from Kris Kringle?

As his icy heart begins to melt the Warlock asks, “Ah, but will it last?” and he goes on to say what he knows about himself, “I really am a mean and despicable creature at heart you know, it is so difficult to REALLY change.” Kringle replies, “Difficult? Why look here, change from bad to good is as easy as taking your first step.”

The pair then bursts into what has long been my favorite song from that movie, “Put One Foot in Front of the other” Check out the lyrics , and maybe next time you are feeling it is too hard, or small gestures won’t matter remember “a good way to start is to stand.”

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
You mean that it's just my election
To vote for a chance to be reborn


Stand firm upon the promises of God as He reminds you that He is faithful, even when we are not…that each tear you shed, both the selfish and unselfish, are collected into a bottle, that He remembers your frame is dust and when you are afraid He calls you to trust in Him…Each tiny step of faith brings you closer to the One who made you…

At first you may fall down a lot, some days you may only have the strength to stand still, like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights, some days you may be walking along whistling a tune and “BAM“ you land on your face…but as Ben said at the close of his blog (that inspired this one)

“But each day is a step through the darkness. So keep steppin'. Do your best each day. Do your best on day 1 and 41 and 101 and 280 and 401. And somewhere out there, way beyond 40 days, maybe 11 X 40 days, plus 4, 444 days, you'll find freedom and you'll know that you know that you know your marriage will make it, and you are glad about it.”

One step at a time…with everything you have…and soon?



“You’ll be walking ‘cross the flor orr orr”